An Unexpected Journey
Don Wickard
Summer 2020 was here. We were looking forward to celebrating multiple family birthdays and were so thankful for long summer days, sunshine and fun. Our hearts were happy and life was good. We were focusing on God’s blessings when a phone call began a new journey for our family. Don’s doctor called saying he needed to go to the emergency room, that someone would meet us there and would be expecting him. We had been feeling sluggish, I was very tired and Don had what we thought was a bad sinus infection, which was all too common for him. I drove Don to Covenant Hospital and we went into the ER. In spite of what we had been told, no one was aware of his coming so we shared the information as we were told by our doctor. They quickly placed Don in a wheelchair and began to roll him down the hall. I was startled and said, “Wait, please wait!” but they kept moving away from me while at the same time telling me I must leave immediately. No hugs, no words of comfort, he was just gone. I did not realize it was the last time we were to ever be together. Don had COVID and pneumonia.
In deep despair, shock, fear of the unknown and feeling lost I went home by myself. We did not know where we were headed, but we knew it was unlike anything we had ever experienced. I was told to be tested and found out that I too had COVID and was sent home to quarantine for two weeks. Our family had been thrown into a frightening situation. We all had been hearing about COVID, but all of a sudden we were slapped in the face with the reality of its meaning.
Allyson was very concerned about her dad. Two of the people I love the very most needed me and I couldn’t go to them. They were scared, they too were feeling desperate and I couldn’t be there as a mom and wife. The two places I most wanted to be, I couldn’t go. We have always been each others strength to meet every challenge we face. When we were facing the biggest challenge our family had experienced, we couldn’t be together. We were kept apart. There are no words to describe the hurting and fear inside for all of us. Thankfully we are blessed with family who went to Allyson and Brian, who were expecting our second sweet little boy, to surround them. Our family tribe, always loving, supportive and present, helped Allyson remained strong. They came to my front door step bringing me meds and food to help me survive, but there was no contact, no hugs or visits. I was so very thankful for their help, but at the same time needing someone there.
God knew each of our needs. Not having anyone with me, this time alone allowed me to pray as I had never prayed before. This was a wilderness our family had never encountered.
When I would call Don in the mornings he would get anxious, begging me to come. The doctors said when he spoke to me his blood pressure would go up and his oxygen would go down. Don wanted me to bring him home. We decided it was best for Allyson to call. Don, being a dad, remained calm when talking to Allyson, telling her to stay calm and take care of her pregnancy. Eventually Don was sedated to keep him calm. I would call at midnight when all was quiet to talk to him. The nurses would lay the phone on his shoulder to listen. He was not able to respond, but I prayed God would allow him to hear me tell him I loved him, I missed him and I was talking to the doctors, trying to bring him home soon. Every day we all prayed, trusting God to watch over him. We knew God was present with him, giving us the only peace we had. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
So many were praying for Don and we knew he was surrounded and covered in prayer. Our home had never felt so empty. I had never felt so alone and helpless but I knew God was with each of us. Every day the doctor would call with no encouragement. Don was stable but he was not gaining strength. The last call I received from the doctor said that Don was losing ground and that they would try to bring me to the hospital to be with him if it would bring me closure. Of course I had wanted to be with him from day one, but if I went now Don would not know I was there and I would have to quarantine two more weeks away from Allyson. I knew that Don would tell me, “Go to Allyson, she needs you,” but he was not able to speak. I wanted to go to the love of my life and I knew Allyson needed me too. It was a terrible and painful place to be, a choice no one needs to be faced with.
On Friday, July 24, 2020, Don went to Jesus. I had been with him for the last time on July 14. His fight and struggle was over. My sister Caren was diagnosed with COVID at the same time, putting even more fear in my heart. Heaven help me, why, why, why? Caren’s doctor told her she could come be with me. I was so thankful to have her, yet scared for her too. We sat outside on my patio in disbelief at the pain, turmoil, and emptiness. There were no words, it was over. God had spoken. We had placed Don in His hands from the beginning asking for healing and so many were praying. I know He heard every prayer but God said it was time to bring Don home.
My spirit was crushed. I had lost the love of my heart, Allyson had lost her dad, her guiding light, and I could not be with Allyson for four more long days or go to the funeral home for five more days. I just sat and waited with Caren by my side, feeling poorly from her own Covid struggle, but choosing to be with me and help in any way she could. I felt numbness like no other. Our faith, our hope and our strength was in God. We knew he was with us and he understood our pain. Don’s goal had been reached, he was in God’s heavenly home with all the love and blessings God has promised.
As of this writing, it’s been one year and six days since that time and we have lived every second missing and yearning, yet having peace, faith, and thankfulness knowing our God is alive watching over us, guiding us, giving strength, providing and loving us. Our Rett had questions every day, searching for his YaYa. He came to the house one day saying “DeDe his car is here, we have to go look for him!” Rett was trying so hard to make sense of it all. We told him we knew where his YaYa is, he is with Jesus, so hard for a little fella to understand. Allyson told Rett one night, “It’s time to say our prayers and ask Jesus to tell our YaYa we love him.” Rett’s reply was this: “I don’t like Jesus!” We know God is strong, that he understands and will heal all of our hearts. Each person in our family could share their own pain in our loss. Taylor was very quiet and searching for understanding. Grayson has been so shocked, so deeply hurt, so quiet and searching as to why he lost his YaYa, the man who was always there, always saying yes to his request to go fishing and just be a guy. Our two older children, Wendy and Greg, live in the Houston area, so far away, deep in grief and hearts hurting. After quarantine was over for me we finally were all able to be together. The question in all our hearts: WHY? We will never know why, but this we do know. God loves us, He has a plan, and to Him all things be the glory.
Many people have suffered in much the same way and I pray they have faith in God and are surrounded by loving and compassionate friends. Strength comes from those God places in our lives. We are not the only ones hurting. “My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26. We have a blind faith. Our trust is in God and we hope our eyes are always fixed on Him that we may follow the path He lays out for us.
We miss Don every second of every day. The missing will never stop but we will move forward in the sunshine of the life we shared and will share again one day. We are so thankful for the joy we know as a family. We have many sweet memories, but our family suffered through dark days too with hurts, trials, disappointments, challenges, anger alongside the sweet and happy times. God has been with us through it all, giving us strength to survive, overcome, and see the sunlight. Last October God brought us healthy, happy little Mason, giving us so much joy in a very difficult time. Mason was born with a smile, lifting our hearts daily. We have lived extreme lows and extreme highs with simple pleasures in between. Today we look back knowing God brought us through the storm, changed forever but committed to our mission of following HIM.
The Blessing
So many friends, colleagues, and neighbors have shared their personal stories of how Don helped them in some special way. Each story is a treasure to us. Don always seemed quiet, staying in the background, but he had his special way of seeking out those who needed a helping friend. Don stands tall in our hearts, and we continue to follow his example of teaching and encouraging those who were part of his life.