When Life Hurts: Finding Hope in Honest Lament
Based on the November 10, 2024 message by Dr. David Fraze
Have you ever felt like you couldn't express your pain or doubts to God? Like you had to put on a brave face at church, even when your heart was breaking? What if I told you that the Bible is full of people who cried out to God in raw, honest lament?
This past Sunday, David Fraze shared with us that, as a pastor and professor, he’s walked with many people through seasons of intense suffering. He also experienced deep pain himself. Through it all, he discovered that God welcomes our honest cries - even our anger and confusion. Let me share why we believe lamenting is not only okay, but essential to our faith.
The Reality of Suffering
First, we need to acknowledge that suffering is real and universal. As Dr. Fraze often tells his students, "When we decided to be our own God, we opened up pain and suffering. And choices have consequences." We live in a fallen world where we experience the consequences of our own choices, as well as those of others around us.
The Bible doesn't shy away from this reality. A full third of the Psalms are laments - honest cries of pain and confusion directed at God. Yet how often do we sing songs of lament in church? As DavidI discovered after a tragic bus accident in his youth ministry years ago, "We had no songs to lament...There were no lament songs because you can't say that. You can't cry out to God. You can't do that."
But the truth is, we can and should cry out to God. In fact, even in their deepest pain, people instinctively call out to Him. As David observed in crisis situations, "They don't stub their toe and say, oh Bail. They cry out, to who? To God."
Biblical Examples of Lament
The Psalms give us beautiful examples of what honest lament looks like. In Psalm 77, the writer cries out:
"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted." (Psalm 77:1-2)
He goes on to ask hard questions:
"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" (Psalm 77:7-9)
These are the kinds of raw, honest questions we often feel we can't ask. But God invites us to bring our pain to Him.
Even Jesus lamented. In John 11, when faced with the death of his friend Lazarus, we're told that "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). But it wasn't just quiet tears - the text tells us He was "troubled in spirit," using a word that describes a bull about to charge. Jesus was angry - not at Mary and Martha for their grief, but at death itself, the enemy He came to defeat.
Being Authentic with God and Others
So how do we practice lament in our own lives? First, we need to create space for honesty - both with God and with each other. As David shared about a coffee meeting with a former youth group member:
"For 20 years, I wondered if my prayer wasn't enough," he told me, breaking down in tears over a tragedy we'd experienced together decades earlier.
"It's not about that," I assured him. But he had carried that weight for 20 years, unable to express his doubts and pain.”
We need to be a church where it's okay to not be okay - where we can share our struggles without fear of judgment. Be honest with each other. That's the family of God. Be honest with your discussion with him. That's the God the world needs to hear.
Hope in the Midst of Pain
Does this mean we just wallow in our pain? Not at all. Biblical lament always circles back to hope. Even in our darkest moments, we can cling to the truth that God is present and faithful. As Paul writes from a prison cell:
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4)
This isn't a command to fake happiness. The Greek word here carries the idea of finding deep, abiding joy in God, even in the midst of suffering. Paul goes on to say:
"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12-13)
Our hope isn't based on circumstances, but on the unshakable truth of who God is and what He's done for us through Christ.
Putting It Into Practice
Make space for lament in your personal prayer life. Be honest with God about your pain, anger, and confusion.
2. Create opportunities for lament in your church community. Consider incorporating songs of lament into worship or starting a grief support group.
3. When others are suffering, resist the urge to offer pat answers. Sometimes the best thing we can do is simply sit with someone in their pain, acknowledging that it's real and valid.
Remember that it's okay to not have all the answers. Trust that God is big enough to handle our questions and doubts.
In the midst of lament, intentionally remind yourself of God's faithfulness in the past. This can help anchor your hope for the future.
The world doesn't need Christians who pretend everything is always fine. It needs believers who can be honest about pain while still clinging to hope. As we learn to lament well, we offer a powerful witness to a God who meets us in our darkest moments and walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death. That's the God of the impossible - the One who can bring beauty from ashes and life from the grave.